These Cars Scream ‘I’m Divorced!’

Just about every car tells us a little bit about the person who drives it. Who they are, what they like, their priorities, where they are in life — all of these things can be signaled by their choice of car. Whether or not they’re divorced can also be inferred from what they drive, and that idea is what brought me to the question I asked you all last week.

I wanted to know what car screams, “I’m divorced!” Whether intentionally or not, what car lets the whole world know that you and your spouse just couldn’t make it work? Marriages don’t always work out, and that’s okay. A divorce can be a new start, and sometimes a new start needs a new car. Let the people know you’re back out there, giving it another go! You guys had some very solid submissions over the weekend, and while there are some usual suspects in there, there were some left-field choices that did surprise me.

In any case, that’s enough out of me. How about you all head on down below and check out what cars your fellow Jalops think scream that you’re divorced. Did your car make the list? If it did, are you divorced? If you’re not, perhaps it’s time to do some soul searching and make sure everything is going well with your spouse… before it’s too late.

One of those Slingshot things. It also adds, “and I’m going to remain single.” The driver just doesn’t realize that latter part.

Submitted by: BuddyS

The soon-to-be-discontinued Cybertruck, of course.

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Cybertruck, either you are divorced or will soon be. idk what the payments were on them but I’ve seen them parked in front of houses that cost less than the truck.

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The Cybertruck. (RIP!)

As dead as the driver’s marriage. Although in the divorce settlement, the people involved would fight over which one didn’t get the truck.

Submitted by: Ray LaFleur & Scaramimer

Harley Davidson Road Glide

Submitted by: Rollerrobb

Stans Dad from South Park got a corvette when he was getting divorced for a whole episode. A youtuber called Gears and Gadgets got a corvette after his divorce.

Submitted by: Scott The Stagehand

From experience, 07 Highlander Hybrid north of 200k and crossing my fingers for 300k. Paid off. Still works. Kids & the dog fit inside for a road trip. Looks ok.

Seriously, most of the people (men & women) I know who went through a divorce stuck with the car they were driving at the time of divorce and stuck with it longer than they otherwise would. Huh, kinda like the marriages–stuck those out longer than we should have too.

Submitted by: Weirdisgood

Any of the Shelby Cobra clones, preferably with fender flares and VERY wide rear tires.

Submitted by: Michael Sweeney

A beige 9th gen Impala (’06-’16) from the government auction.

If anything, it reliably starts and has room for a car seat for cheap. Bonus points if it was previously driven by some police detective and has cloth seats in the back instead of the puke deflectiing vinyl from the regular 9C1 patrol units.

Submitted by: Favtoryhack

I think it is any late 60s/early 70s American muscle car. Super double extra points if they are in great condition. Speaking from experience.

Submitted by: KingDingDong

2004-2006 Pontiac GTO. Cool car for a guys’ night out but looks out of place in a family home. There’s no reason for any married man to buy one. It’s not even a true American muscle car to impress trophy wives since it originated in Australia as the Holden Monaro.

Submitted by: Giantgiants

The new Chevy Blazer always gave me those vibes.

To me it screams, “I need something that lets me have the kids on the weekends, but I desperately want to be cool and relevant without any clue of what that is or looks like.”

It might not be the Chevy Blazer but just the entire Chevy RS sticker and black wheel treatment of cars, with the Blazer being the most egregious of those.

Submitted by: potbellyjoe

A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER

Submitted by: Ray LaFleur